After you, Alphonse
Etiquette is important!
Manners, or etiquette, are a single, basic code shared by all, making life simpler and more pleasant by removing many chances for misunderstandings and by creating opportunities for courtesy and mutual respect. Those codes have been developed and passed down for thousands of years. The problem arises in the fact that the sense and sensibility of Ancient Egypt differed from that of Ancient Greece which differed from that of the American colonies and from that of the culture of the 21st century Internet.
Each generation has to develop an etiquette suitable for their circumstances. Emily Post, a popular novelist, did it for her generation. In 1922, she authored an engaging read simply titled Etiquette. She took the manners she was taught as a child and added those things which fit into her view of the world. Was it right? Of course! Millions of copies of the book were sold. Suddenly, a wide segment of the population had a set of rules to follow. Did it all make sense? Does it matter which fork is used if you only have one fork? Probably not. But it became a standard to strive toward.
The title phrase is from the cartoon strip Alphonse and Gaston, which featured a bumbling pair of Frenchmen with a penchant for politeness. The strip ran irregularly from 1901 until the cartoonist’s death in 1937. The premise of their strip was that they were both extremely polite, constantly bowing to each other and deferring to each other. Neither could ever do anything or go anywhere because each insisted on letting the other precede him.
Manners and etiquette carried to an extreme or inappropriately applied can become immobilizing.
A question I posed online was ” When being seated in a restaurant, who leads the way to the table, the man or the woman.”
Jo replied that the man always leads the way. That makes sense. It’s what she was taught. Chivalry, right? In fact, it’s not proper etiquette.
The correct response to my question is that, as far as ‘proper’ etiquette is concerned, a gentleman leads the lady if they are being seated by a hostess. The lady leads with the gentleman trailing if they are being seated by a host.
The reason for this is that a hostess is presumed to not be as chivalrous as a host. She would seat the lady willy nilly. When a couple goes to a restaurant and are to be seated by a Maitre d,’ the woman follows the Maitre d’ to the table as the Maitre d’ is obviously schooled in the art of etiquette and dining and certainly would have the table and chairs of the restaurant in perfect order, the chair is clean and that the lady has the best possible place at the table before she is seated. With a hostess, that responsibility falls to the male half of the couple. However, in today’s restaurants, tables are often jammed into place to provide for the most seating. Even when following a host, it can be an obstacle course, let alone a trying to keep up with a host who is anxious to get you to your table and hurry back to his station to seat another party. By the time a couple shifts positioning to allow the lady to follow their host, he is already halfway across the restaurant. The gentleman must take charge and lead his date though that maze, following their host as best he may.
Do those same rules of etiquette apply today? Some do and some don’t. So much of what we call manners is merely custom. Times change. Our customs change. Each generation has had to decide for itself which of their forebear’s customs continued to apply. A well-mannered gentleman offers a lady his seat. When doing so, he should engage the lady in a brief moment of conversation before allowing her to sit. This would allow her seat time to cool. Them’s manners! However, is it really polite, in today’s society, to think about a lady’s bottom needing cooling?
I’m a newlywed. Not only is Jo a few years younger than I, but she was raised under different circumstances. I open doors for her and seat her at a restaurant. She likes that. I always lead the way in a restaurant. She expects it. I’m learning not to base my decisions upon her previously stated preferences. I’m changing my customs. I answer her questions with “Yes, ma’am” and “No, ma’am”.
It drives her crazy! <gryn>
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Zane Melder EDGE Books Kentwood, LA |
Of course I like it when my husband leads the way or seats me at a table. It makes me feel appreciated. In the same way that I have dinner waiting when he gets home and tries to leave his days off open for him to do what he wants. I mow and tend to fix things so that he knows I appreciate the fact that he works hard for us. And yes, the Yes, ma’am and No, ma’am drive me nuts because I’m not that old Zane. But I Love Ya still.